he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
