Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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