Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
