hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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