I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
