you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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