Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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