Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
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I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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