Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I have fence marks all over my body
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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