mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
