she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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