How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Randomize
