It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
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