soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
