i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
