i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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