I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Randomize