i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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