my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
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