i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
