I wish I could punch you in the face.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
