I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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