If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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