and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
