I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
