Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
