Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
