My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
