he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
