This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
