somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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