Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
