I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
