so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
