the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
