Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
