My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
