Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
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