I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
