what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
last night I used snow as a chaser
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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