We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
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