I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Randomize
