Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
