he wants to bone in the snuggie
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize