you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
