Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
