Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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