Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
