If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
