make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
