And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
