If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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