the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
