Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
