you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
