Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Randomize
