Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
