woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
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