He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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