It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
