That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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