K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
