I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
